


Pretend Boyfriends Notfic

by fictionalaspect



Series: Not-quite-fics [2]
Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 12:03:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/fictionalaspect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Right," Spencer says. His head feels funny. "So--what? We'll pretend to go out?"</p><p>"Sure," Brendon says, and grins at him. It's not a particularly nice grin--it's more an excited, evil smirk, really, a smile that says <i>we are going to get in so much trouble!</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretend Boyfriends Notfic

**Author's Note:**

> Exactly what it says on the box.

So we start with Ryan and Spencer, sixteen year old teenage boys. Cue lots of banter and insults, but underneath it all, there's obviously a ton of real affection there. But I think their friendship is marked by a fair amount of casual competition, as almost any relationship with Ryan Ross would be. It's not on purpose, and it's definitely not malicious, but--they go back and forth a lot, and they tend to compete over stupid things, little things, like who can manage to score some girl's number or get this hot new CD or...whatever. It's a constant, subtle game of one-upmanship, and most of the time it's fun, because the score is always relatively even.

So Ryan sneaks into Spencer's window one night--pebbles on the windowsill, that whole deal, and Spencer drags himself out of bed grumbling the whole time because he was _sleeping_ , Ryan, and he knows for a fact Ryan's dad is out of town and so this is just Ryan being a dicksmack and deciding he needs company at 3am--and when he gets inside he just has this SHIT-eating grin on his face. Spencer's almost too tired to care, but then Ryan refuses to tell him why he's so cocky and there's pretty much nothing else that will bother Spencer more than Ryan keeping secrets from him, and Ryan knows it. So Spencer rolls his eyes and scrubs his hand over his face and then sneaks downstairs and makes coffee, and when he comes back up with it Ryan is sitting crosslegged on his bed, still looking like he won the fucking lottery. Spencer is SO CURIOUS. Because unless Ryan went out and hired a prostitute--can he even do that?--there is no way Ryan got laid, and Ryan doesn't do drugs or have any interest in them, and so Spencer has no idea what this could be about.

"Okay," Spencer says. "So seriously. Tell me what couldn't wait three hours, you moron."

"Your mom couldn't wait three hours," Ryan says, and then he just...totally changes the topic, talking about this guy that Ryan goes to school with. Spencer's met him once or twice; dyed black hair, tall, wears eyeliner. Nice guy, if a little pretentious. And Spencer cannot figure out the connection until Ryan tells him that's where he's been all night and gives Spencer a ~significant look~ and then Spencer notices there's a hickey peeking out of the stretched-out neck of Ryan's t-shirt.

And, like. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. Spencer can feel his eyes widening, because Ryan _made out with a dude_. Spencer is never going to be able to top that, and Ryan fucking knows it.

Dammit.

So, anyway. In the middle of all of this, they're also obviously trying to put their band together. Enter one Brendon Urie--nerdy, funny, a little strange, and a voice Spencer's pretty sure might actually make them all famous. Brendon's definitely a little awkward--Spencer suspects that maybe he was sort of an outcast growing up, and Brent has kind of hinted at the same--but Spencer really likes him. Brendon's just a funny fucking dude, and he laughs at all of Spencer's jokes, even the lame ones that Ryan always rolls his eyes at. Plus, Brendon can play every instrument on the planet, and he somehow manages to make wearing girl's jeans look hot. Spencer still isn't really sure how he does it, because Ryan just looks long and angular in girl's jeans, but he likes them because he doesn't actually have an ass. Whatever. Spencer tries not to think about Ryan's ass if he can help it.

(Brendon's ass on the other hand--well. Anyway. Spencer doesn't think about that, either, but for a completely different reason)

So maybe one afternoon it's just him and Brendon, screwing around in Spencer's garage, and Brendon makes a crack about how Ryan's so popular with the ladies, because seriously, he has some kind of bite mark/hickey/whatever at EVERY. SINGLE. PRACTICE. and Spencer's like "Haha, yeah, no, he's hooking up with a dude, actually, that fucker," and Brendon actually drops his can of red bull in surprise.

And then Spencer realizes how that sounded, and he hurries to correct himself as his stomach drops because Brendon's totally morman, right? He doesn't act morman (see: the red bull) but he really hopes he didn't just fuck over their band by giving away Ryan's big secret, and he feels a need to explain that no, he's just pissed off because now Ryan has totally out-cool-ed him and there's no way he can catch up.

So Spencer explains all of this, and Brendon just kind of looks at him with wide eyes, like he doesn't quite get it.

"So wait," Brendon says. "Okay. Ryan's got a--boyfriend, or whatever."

"Or whatever," Spencer agrees, while he's fixing one of his cymbals. "He doesn't do commitment, remember."

"Right," Brendon says. "And you're--jealous of that?"

"No," Spencer says. "I mean, yes, maybe. Dude, I told you. He has totally out-manned me, and now I'm never going to catch up. I can't compete with that."

Brendon's silent for a long moment and then he's like, "I still don't really get it. But couldn't you, I don't know, beat him if you got a boyfriend?"

Spencer's eyes widen. "Oh," he says for a moment. He feels a little unsteady; he's never actually contemplated that, because that would probably require a) someone other than himself being interested in having sex with him and b) telling people besides Ryan that there is a possibility he bats for the other team. Spencer's not really sure, actually, but the fact that he doesn't find the idea abhorrent should probably be telling him something.

"Yeah, I totally could," he says, after a minute. "Ryan would never know what hit him. But whatever." He shrugs. "Who the hell would I find to out go out with me? It's kind of a lost cause."

Brendon nods in agreement. He turns away from Spencer, and then turns back just as quickly and says in a rush, "I'lldoit."

"Wha?" Spencer says. "You--what?"

"Come on," Brendon says, biting his lip. He's starting to look a little mischievous. It's a good look on him. "Listen. It will fuck with Ryan's head, and I'm pissed the fuck off at my parents right now and I can't think of anything more upsetting to them than that. Like, seriously. They are going to flip their shit."

"Oh," Spencer says, a little startled. "Dude, what if they kick you out? That really doesn't seem like, worth it."

Brendon just shrugs, and says, "I'll worry about it later. I really don't think they'll have the balls to kick me out. Hell, maybe I won't even tell them. Save it up for a dramatic moment, or something."

"Right," Spencer says. His head feels funny. "So--what? We'll pretend to go out?"

"Sure," Brendon says, and grins at him. It's not a particularly nice grin--it's more an excited, evil smirk, really, a smile that says _we are going to get in so much trouble!_ Spencer can't help smiling back.

They wait a week or two to tell Ryan because, as Brendon points out, no matter how oblivious Ryan is, he'll cry foul if it really does come out of NOWHERE. So Spencer spends the next two weeks hitting blatantly on Brendon in front of Ryan and Brent, while Brendon pretends to be completely unaware of it. It's really hard to keep a straight face, and more than once Spencer has stepped outside only to find Brendon leaning up against the side of the garage, hand clamped over his mouth to smother his hysterical laughter.

"Oh my god," Brendon hisses, at one point, the words coming out through peals of choked-off laughter. "Did you really just tell me to open my mouth wider?"

"Look," Spencer says, through giggles. "It made sense in context."

"You told me to _relax my jaw_ and then you winked at me," Brendon says. "I thought Brent was going to run out of the room in horror."

"It was worth it," Spencer whispers back, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one's coming. "I think Ryan's finally starting to notice something."

Brendon nods, smoothing his features down and trying to control his breathing before he goes back inside. "Okay," Brendon says. "You should stare at my ass some more. Just in case."

"I've been staring at your ass all goddamned day."

"Mmmhmm, and you love it," Brendon tosses over his shoulder as he heads back inside.

When they finally do tell Ryan, it's every bit as satisfying as Spencer thought it would be. He's been worried it wouldn't be worth all the effort, but Ryan's face is pretty much priceless. He looks like he just got hit in the head with something large and blunt.

"But you--and--" He mumbles out, and Brendon leans over and takes Spencer's hand, biting his lip and flickering his eyes over to Spencer's face. He's a good actor, Spencer will give him that. He almost believes Brendon, which makes him feel a little weird. Brendon's hands are smaller than his own, and Spencer squeezes back.

"You're not freaked, right?" Spencer says, very seriously. Ryan shakes his head emphatically, still mumbling something about surprises and people and how he never thought Brendon was into that.

"Yeah, I mean, me neither," Brendon says earnestly, and Spencer bites down on his lower lip to keep from cracking up.

It's awesome. Spencer feels totally vindicated, and he keeps on feeling vindicated right up until saturday afternoon. Which is when he wakes up to his mom sitting by the bed with a cup of coffee and a confused expression on her face.

"Wha?" Spencer mumbles, and his mom launches into a halting story about how she'd ran into Brent's mom at the supermarket, and she's been nice but sort of distant, and said something about Spencer and Ryan being a "bad influence," which she couldn't understand because her boys were good students and funny and smart and stayed out of trouble. And then she's seen Ryan on his way downtown, and offered to give him a ride but he'd insisted that the bus was fine--

"And then," Ginger says. "And then he told me to tell you congratulations, because he forgot to before, and that if you didn't want him to come over for Sunday dinner and wanted to invited Brendon instead, that was okay with him. Spencer, what was Ryan talking about?"

Spencer's stomach drops.

Oh god. Oh god, he hates Ryan with a burning, firey passion. He should have known this was coming, but Spencer really hadn't thought Ryan would have sunk so low. Oh god.

"Uh," Spencer says. "Well. He was. Kidding?"

"Spencer," Ginger says. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Right," Spencer says.

"Is there--is something going on with you and Brendon?" Ginger says slowly. "Like, a more-than-friends thing?"

"Um," Spencer says again. "Did you say there was coffee?"

"Are you going to answer my question?" Ginger says.

"This counts as cruel and unusual punishment," Spencer mutters. He takes a deep breath, and hopes Brendon will forgive him. "And, uh. Yeah. Maybe."

"Mmm," Ginger says, looking a little shocked, even though she'd asked him point blank. Spencer realizes at that moment that she really hadn't expected him to say yes. He feles a little weird inside, because he just came out to his mom, even though it's sort of a fake-coming-out to go along with his fake-boyfriend. Except the more Brendon flirts with him and holds his hand Spencer is starting to doubt that, so. Maybe it's real. Maybe he DID just come out to his mom. Shit.

So he tells Brendon, as soon as his mom leaves, and Brendon's a little freaked out but Spencer promises he'll make sure his mom doesn't say anything, because Brendon is actually sort of getting along with his parents at this point and they've gotten over their big fight or whatever and he kind of doesn't want to ruin a good thing. A fragile peace, and all that. But Ginger wants Brendon to come over for Sunday dinner, and Spencer doesn't know what else to do, and also he's pretty sure this is going to be the worst meal of his entire existence and he is going to kill. Ryan. Ross.

He spends the rest of the weekend drowning himself in homework and video games and jumping every time his phone rings. Brendon shows up on Sunday afternoon, and Spencer immediately drags him out of the house to form an action plan. He realizes as they're sneaking down the driveway that he had automatically reached out to hold Brendon's hand, and now their fingers are tangled together, and that is not something that Spencer should be doing by accident. Uh-oh.

"Okay," Spencer says, once they're safely away from his house and all the prying eyes of his younger siblings. "So we have to convince my parents we're dating."

"It won't be that hard," Brendon says, shrugging. "So we'll hold hands and I'll give you a kiss on the cheek or whatever, and then your Dad can question my intentions and tell me to always use protection."

"Oh my god," Spencer mumbles into his hands. "How is this my life."

"We should probably practice kissing," Brendon says thoughtfully, and Spencer whips his head up. "What?" he says. "No really, what?"

"Look," Brendon says, pulling his legs up so he's sitting cross-legged on on the picnic bench. "What would you do if I leaned in to kiss you, right now?"

"Uh," Spencer says, his mind racing. "Back away and not make any sudden movements?"

"My point," Brendon says, raising an eyebrow. "It needs to look normal. If I lean in to kiss your cheek and you go OH GOD, MY MASCULINE VIRTUE, WOE, they're going to know something's up."

"Damn," Spencer mutters, because Brendon's right. It's not that he doesn't want to kiss Brendon. It's that--Spencer thinks that maybe, somewhere inside, he sort of _does_. It's kind of way scarier than being found out by his parents.

"Okay," Brendon says, after a moment. "Just, uh. Hold still, I guess?"

"Wait, why do I have to hold still?" Spencer says. "I can do this. I can totally do this. _You_ hold still." Brendon's face is kind of close. He's possibly rambling a tiny bit.

"We could both hold still?" Brendon says. This close, Spencer can count each one of his eyelashes behind his glasses.

"That won't actually work," Spencer mumbles weakly. "Then we'll never--"

"Oh, fuck it," Brendon says. He leans in at the each same moment as Spencer does, and all Spencer gets for his trouble is a firm, sudden connection with Brendon's brain-plate.

"Ow!" Spencer yelps, as Brendon pulls back and makes a pained noise. "Jesus fuck, your forehead is hard."

"So is yours," Brendon says, wincing and rubbing between his eyes. It makes his glasses wiggle, and at any other time it would be hysterical. "I told you not to move, you asshole."

"Yeah, and I told _you_ not to move," Spencer says. "This is never going to work."

"Okay," Brendon says, and rolls his shoulders out, like he's going for a run or something. Spencer eyes him incredulously. "What?" Brendon says. "I'm just. You know. Putting my game face on."

"You need to put your game face on to kiss me?" Spencer says, momentarily distracted from all thoughts of his impending embarrassment. "What the fuck, dude, I'm not that bad. Am I really that--Mmph." Spencer says.

He blinks. Brendon's mouth is warm on his own, and Spencer has a split second of _huh_ before Brendon pulls back.

"Hah," Brendon says, breathing the word out, but his voice is a little softer now. He's still really close. Spencer licks his lips.

"Maybe we should try that again," Spencer says, in a rush, after a few too many beats where they're just poised there, sharing the same air. "Just in case, you know--"

"Right, just in case," Brendon says, and this time it's Spencer who swallows the lump in his throat and leans in.

He's not trying to push, he really isn't. It's more that Spencer's twisted awkwardly on the picnic table, and he's holding himself up with one hand, and possibly it's not the easiest position to hold when Brendon's being distracting. Spencer's hand slips just as Brendon sort of opens his mouth a bit, and then, uh, oh, hey. They're like, _kissing_ kissing. Spencer has one hand clutched awkwardly on Brendon's knee, to stop himself from falling. Brendon exhales against his mouth and then runs his tongue over the seam of Spencer's lips and Spencer feels it all the way down his spine, the sharp sensation of suddenly new nerves in new combinations.

Spencer stays there for as long as he can, as long as his wrist can hold the weight, but it's really starting to hurt. When he pulls back, he sees Brendon's eyelids flicker open, and there's a moment where Spencer would swear that Brendon is actually trying to follow Spencer's mouth as it moves away. Then he blinks, and says, "Okay. Okay I'm not doing that in front of your dad."

"Dude," Spencer says, rolling out his wrist. He's turned slightly away, so as not to make it obvious that his breathing is significantly faster than normal. "Dude, no."

"Just checking," Brendon says. When Spencer glances over, Brendon's cheeks are faintly pink.

"So we're good?" Spencer says, instead of what he really wants to say, which is _what are your thoughts on doing that, oh, say, forever?_

"Yeah, we're cool," Brendon says. He kicks his sneakers against the pitted wood of the picnic table. "You ready to face the inquisition?"

"Yeah," Spencer says. He shakes his hair out of his eyes, and then hops down off the picnic table, brushing his jeans off as he goes. "Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."


End file.
